Grace for Being Human

About a month ago, I had an anxiety attack in the middle of my work shift. My current occupation is working as a hospital nurse. On this particular day, I and each of my coworkers were given an extra patient. My day ended up being a 13.5 hour shift without a lunch break, ending with me catching up on the day’s charting. In the middle of my shift, I made an error. My mistake undid me. I lost it. In the end, the mistake was minor, and when I notified others of the error, everyone responded with grace. However, I did not receive the grace extended to me from others or from God. Instead, the weight of my error caused me to wallow in shame, soaking up the lie ‘I am a horrible nurse,’ for the remainder of my shift.

Interesting that in this instance, no one responded to me in shame, yet I chose punishment for myself.

Why can it be so hard to receive grace?

Perhaps, because grace is unlike anything else in this world. God’s grace is 100% well-intended, undeserved, and unearned—laced with His goodness, advocacy, and empowerment. There are no strings attached. This can be drastically different from our interactions with people around us. Sometimes we are left wondering what a person’s true intentions are—

But what do they really think about me? Am I truly off the hook? What do I need to do to make it up to them?

Perhaps grace was not modeled for us well when we were children, and was therefore never internalized. Maybe we worked for a stern boss who dealt harshly with our shortcomings. We can be left continuously seeking affirmation and trying to measure up because of the poisonous mindset of perfectionism.

It can be hard to learn and continually remind ourselves to receive God’s grace. Thankfully, God is a generous gift-giver, and He will ever be.

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

(Hebrews 4:16)

Jesus went to the cross because He knew we could never be perfect. All of humanity falls short. Jesus’ sacrificial death pays the penalty for my failures, and allows me to stand clean and justified before Him. His Holy Spirit empowers me to walk in His ways. We were never made to walk the road alone, in our own strength.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

(Ephesians 2:8-9)

Even as I’ve been walking with Jesus for a decade, I need constant reminders to rely on Jesus and to not fall into a pattern of self-sufficiency. The gospel is not about behavior modification. It is about surrendering to Jesus, and allowing the Holy Spirit to bring about real transformation in our hearts and produce in us the fruit of self-discipline.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

So to end this, let me remind you and I that:

• You are human
• You will never be perfect.
• You have limitations.
• You will fail.

And

• You are deeply loved and delighted in.
• Your value is inherent because that’s how Jesus made you.
• God’s grace will never run dry, we must only choose to receive it.

When Your Hands Grow Weary

There are times in life when our hands are weary. Times when life is heavy, even in the midst of praying, trusting, and seeking God. Vulnerability can feel raw, and prayer can feel like a wrestle.

I want to share some thoughts I have on weariness from the life of Moses (Exodus 17):

The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands.” So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset. (Exodus 17:8-12)

The passage begins with the Amalekites leading an unprovoked attack against the Israelites. We see Joshua leading an army of Israelites in defense, while Moses seeks the Lord with his hands up on the mountaintop. As long as Moses’ hands were up the Israelites were winning, but when he lowered them they began losing. Aaron and Hur came to Moses’ aid, placing a rock for him to sit on, and using their strength to help Moses keep his hands up until the war was won.

Moses’ posture is an interesting one. When I first read the passage, I thought—Moses is essentially doing nothing. But that is the mystery of prayer. The power is not in the one who prays, but in God who loves us, listens, and intervenes on our behalf.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

(1 Peter 5:7)

So here Moses is, in the middle of a battle, taking a vulnerable position of surrender before the Lord, asking for His help. Even in this state of seeking the Lord, Moses grows weary. Fighting is hard work, and sometimes, prayer can feel the same way.

Have you ever felt exhausted as you are seeking and trusting in God’s intervention? Have you felt completely raw in a state of vulnerability before God? I have. I am comforted by this story of Moses because it demonstrates that we were not meant to ‘go it alone.’ We are absolutely designed to lean into our community, share our burdens with them, and seek God’s intervention together. Moses was not alone as he sought God during the battle, he had a friend holding him up on each side.

So if you’re in a season of feeling heavy, lacking comfort, or waiting for answers—I hope you give yourself permission to share that with trusted friends, who are willing to go the distance with you and pray on your behalf until the war is won. You don’t have to suffer alone. We get there together. Who can be the Aaron and Hur in your life?

Singleness & Family

I recently had a conversation with God about singleness and my fear surrounding it. When we got to the root of the issue, I realized that my greatest fear about singleness was not one of living life without a spouse or children, but the fear of isolation. Living in America, I find our culture to be very independent and self-reliant. This mindset can also bleed into our concept of family, defining it solely as those we are related to by blood or by marriage.

Where does this leave a single person?

As I’ve been reading scripture, I believe God has been showing me that singleness is not a sentence to isolation, but that in my singleness I can hope for family with confidence. (I debated substituting the word “community” for “family,” but “family” is strong word for a strong promise.) In God’s kingdom, being single doesn’t mean giving up the dream of family. And with Jesus, life is always abundant—be it single, married, widowed, etc.

God is Family

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families… (Psalm 68:5-6)

No good desire or gift is ever meant to be an end in itself, but a means for us to draw closer to God. What I love about this verse is that God is the Father to those who are lonely, and He promises to set them in families. God Himself is family—the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit together in perfect unity. He first and foremost is meant to meet my desire for connectedness, and I am always invited in the middle of His fellowship. So, if aging out of your “young professionals” ministry group gives you any level of anxiety, be assured that you will never age out of God’s family. There is always a place for you.

The Church is Family

“For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” (Matthew 12:50)

 When Jesus saw His mother there, and the disciple whom He loved standing nearby, He said to her, “Woman, here is your son,”  and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. (John 19:25-27)

In Matthew 12, Jesus tells us that there is a stronger family tie than what is merely biological. Just as we become a child of God and are adopted into His family upon receiving Jesus, we are also meant to bring others into our family and care for one another. (This is not to diminish the importance of caring for one’s own biological family, the Bible is clear that we are to honor and look after our immediate family.) But I believe we should also surrender ourselves before God and ask Him who He wants us to invite into our circle. In John 19, when Jesus is being crucified, He tells His mom and His disciple that they are to be family to one another.

But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. (Ruth 1:16-18)

Ruth a recently widowed woman chooses her mother-in-law, Naomi, as family instead of returning to her homeland and trying to find another husband. Much of the time with Ruth’s story, the focus is on her marriage to Boaz. However, what I love equally about her story is how she discovered profound meaning in her singleness being devoted to God and loving her mother-in-law, who was also without family.

Lessons in Singleness

I want to end with some lessons I’ve learned in singleness.

1. Singleness is not an excuse for selfishness. Although I may have more free time, I am still called to invest well in others and use my time for the responsibilities that God has committed to me.
2. No matter what life stage I’m in, I want to be mindful of who God wants to invite into my family.
3. Singles need to be included and celebrated. As Pastor Jon Tyson puts it, “The only thing we celebrate about singles are their birthdays—but we do that for anybody.” Let’s get creative in celebrating life events for single people: promotions, graduations, completing a marathon, etc.
4. Don’t be afraid to love first. Building family will probably not come easily, but it’s worth it. Yes, there will be times of discouragement in connecting with others and connection may not be reciprocated. Even if we don’t immediately feel included by our church as a single person, God gives us all the strength we need to initiate connection with others. There are an immeasurable amount of people who are lonely, and you can make a great impact in their lives by reaching out.

“Busy”

It seems like “busy” is a catchword in our society.

“How was your day?”

“It was busy.”

“We should catch up sometime.”

“I don’t think I can, I’m just so busy.”

“I was planning to make it to the seminar, but my day just got so busy.”

 

But maybe being “busy” is our cover-up for poor time-management. I get it. I used to be addicted to stress. Sometimes it seems like you’re accomplishing more when you’re at the breaking point–filling up your schedule to the brim with things to do. It almost makes you feel like you’re the most important person in the world. My friend Natalie once gave a talk about burnout. She said:

“I used to wear burnout like a black feather boa…”

It’s easy to glamorize burnout. It’s easy to pride ourselves in how much stuff we do. But is that the correct attitude we should take? How does being busy affect ourselves and the people around us?

I believe that God has given us all of the time we need to accomplish what He has purposed for us, if we are relying in Him. Our responsibility is to manage our time correctly.

Our time IS precious. It’s good to set boundaries for ourselves. Some examples of areas where I like to guard my time are: my personal well-being, my pursuit of God, and my innermost circle of friends. These are areas of my life where I don’t want to compromise my investment. These are my “A” priorities. However, not all things in life are “A” priorities. The next question I ask myself is:

“Is it good or is it God?”

-John Bevere

It’s easy to fill up our lives with good things. The danger is not realizing our limitations and trying to meet every need—being a “yes man.” But if God hasn’t asked us to do it and we are doing it out of our own strength, our efforts will be to no avail. A Bible verse was shared with me last week at church.

Unless the Lord builds a house,
   the work of the builders is wasted.
Unless the Lord protects a city,
    guarding it with sentries will do no good.
It is useless for you to work so hard
    from early morning until late at night,
anxiously working for food to eat;
    for God gives rest to his loved ones.

Psalm 127:1-2

We are truly nothing without God. Anything done out of our own strength will not be of eternal value. It’s also important to note from this passage that God created us to both work and rest. God wants us to take care of ourselves. Or in other words, in the event of an emergency, put on your oxygen mask first before assisting others. One of my favorite life principles. 🙂

Now, let’s talk about loving others. Most often, people need our love and availability at times that are inconvenient. But if we manage the constants well in our schedule, it becomes easier to make time for life’s unexpected moments. You can expect that unexpected things will happen on a regular basis. Don’t get too attached to the specifics of your schedule. Be willing to adjust for the sake of others. Managing our time efficiently gives us more time to love others well.

Time doesn’t have to be the master of us. With wisdom, we can use our time to glorify God. Here’s a quick recap:

1. Stay rooted in God. Can’t do anything without Him!

2. Be faithful to what God has called you to do and do it with excellence. (Don’t bite off more than you can chew).

3. Care for yourself well, so that you can care for others well.

4. Don’t just care about your own interests, but also the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4)

 

 

What is the goal?

The goal certainly isn’t building a spectacular ministry. Nor is it achieving all of our aspirations. The goal is not having our bad circumstances changed for good. The goal is not serving the community.

Perhaps I started with a bad question. Let’s try this one. Who is the goal?

Jesus is the goal–growing closer to Him. Jesus is not the means to an end, He is the end. With such a simple answer, it does seem like we are so easily distracted in keeping Jesus at the center.

The odd thing is ministries, aspirations, petitioning for changed circumstances, and serving others are neither good nor bad in themselves. They can be wonderful things born out of knowing God’s heart. But these things, in taking the place of Jesus at the center, can become the affair to our relationship with God. Anything has the potential of becoming an idol if put at the center of our lives. An idol hinders us from the full pursuit of God.

Bekky, one of my friends from this summer would always greet me with a warm embrace and ask the question, “How is your heart?” The first time she asked it, I briskly said “I’m doing well,” and put on a smile. It’s easy to be a Pharisee. It’s easy to look good on the outside and have your guard up on the inside. She kept looking at me in a way that really made me examine the weight of her question and the state of my own heart. Her question offended me because a response to it would require vulnerability. Bekky wasn’t asking what I learned at class or what happened during our village outreach, she was asking me how my relationship with Jesus was. I’m so grateful for her boldness in asking others about their ‘heart health.’ Her question has now grown to be my favorite. How wonderful it is to have a friend who cares about the state of our hearts and reminds us to keep God at the center.

This summer, God reminded me that I wasn’t created to “do things for Him,” I was created for relationship with Him. Part of me went to Africa with the mindset that God would fix my weaknesses so that He could use me more effectively for His purposes. This came from a mindset of being self-critical. God spoke to me on the plane ride back from Africa, “Christine, I didn’t bring you here to ‘fix you.’ I brought you here to be with Me, (but in my presence, of course you are changed!)” Jesus died because He desired relationship with me. I needed the reminder!

I came across this passage during my Bible reading this morning:

Matt 26:7-10 …A woman came to Him [Jesus] with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on His head as He was reclining at the table. When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. “Why this waste?” they asked. “This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor.” Aware of this, Jesus said to them, “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me.”

This woman had an uncompromised love for Jesus. Loving Jesus extravagantly was her goal. The disciples seemed to have been distracted by the possibilities of doing things and missed the importance of loving Jesus in the moment. Jesus saw the woman’s heart. She did a beautiful thing. May our lives be lived for the love of Jesus, Himself.

How is your heart? 🙂

 

Pain, Disappointment, and Faith

Where do pain, disappointment, and faith intersect? This is a lesson that God began to teach me a few years ago (and it’s not finished yet).

God created humans in His beautiful image. He composed us of three parts: body, soul, and spirit. I want to focus on the importance of the soul. My definition of the soul is our mind, will, and emotions.

I’m convinced that many people are taught to disregard their soul, namely their emotions. This is foolish, because it is undermining an important part of how God created us as men and women.

I’m going to walk you through part of my story–an area of my life where pain of a circumstance collided with a promise that God gave me. But first, I want to look at the character of Jesus from the story of Lazarus.

Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw Him, she fell at His feet, saying to Him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in His spirit and greatly troubled. And He said, “Where have you laid Him?” They said to Him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept.  So the Jews said, “See how He loved Him!”  (John 11:32-36)

Jesus embraced emotion. Melissa Helser states this beautifully, “Jesus felt emotion, but didn’t let it separate Himself from the Father.” Jesus, full of faith and aware of the outcome that Lazarus would be raised from the dead that same hour, was troubled in His soul and He wept.

Expressing grief does not equate to a lack of faith.

Being sad doesn’t negate that God is good.

Jesus perfectly expressed emotion, both occurring within Himself, and in sympathizing with others. Imagine how the story would go if Jesus was an emotion avoider…

“Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, He repeated “stop it” in His mind to keep from crying and pretended to be unaffected by the situation. He stated, “it’s going to be OK, it’ll turn out in the end.” He then proceeded to change the subject to a happier one.

I’m glad that’s not how the story goes. Unfortunately, many people are afraid of situations like this and choose avoid the mess of emotions. But part of loving others is allowing them a safe place in our relationships to process emotion. True courage is facing pain.

This Bible passage was crucial for me in my own process of grieving. Six years ago, God spoke to me the clearest I had ever heard Him speak in my life. He told me that it was His desire to heal someone I loved deeply. I was amazed that God cared about all the details of my life. It was past my wildest dreams that He would restore this person to full health. I began weeping, and then the Holy Spirit poured a prayer of hope out of my mouth–proclaiming all of the incredible things that God had planned for this individual’s life. Things that were so far past what I could ask or imagine. I do not doubt what God spoke. It is still so clear.

As I was interacting with this individual a while back in their suffering state, I was troubled. It hurt me to see them this way. At first, I would not allow myself to feel upset because of the false presumption that expressing sorrow lessens my trust in God. Then, I stumbled upon the story of Lazarus and the Holy Spirit gave me permission to grieve. Yes, God is good. Yes, He will be glorified. But in this life we will experience pain, and God cares about how it impacts our souls. He is with us in the process.

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.

(Psalm 56:8)

 

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

(Psalm 51:17)

5 Ways to Value Others

1. Greet People

As a rule of thumb, I try to always say “Hi” and “Bye” to people as I enter or leave a space. It really doesn’t take much effort. This is important for people that we see often, like coworkers and housemates.

• Acknowledge that there are other people around you.
• Smile

Small things like this allow people to feel valued.

 

2. Encourage Often

My friend always says, “Eulogies are for the living.” Tell someone how much they mean to you, while you are both alive.

This is especially imperative for people in supervisory roles. Make sure that your encouragements outweigh your corrections. Don’t let your only interactions with someone be for correction. Encouragement has a way of naturally inspiring people to do things better.

When sharing an encouragement, a text is better than nothing. But why not make it more meaningful? Say it over a phone call. Or better yet, in person!

Hebrews 3:13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

 

3. Share Specific Compliments

Words can seem cheap or generic when we say phrases like, “I appreciate you,” “I love you,” or “You’re doing great.” Words stick when they are well thought through.

“I appreciate that you always notice those around you and take time to speak with them. You value people so well.”

“Thank you for getting back to me with that report so quickly. With all of the detail you put into it, I can tell that you really care about this job. You are doing great.”

When we think through the specific characteristics we like about people, we will grow in love for them and be less judgmental.

 

4. Ask People What Makes Them Feel Valued

There is no formula for loving people. People are complex. We are not mind readers. Ask people what makes a relationship meaningful to them. I’ve had friends ask me, “What are ways that you receive love?” Questions like this are very encouraging to me, because I recognize the intentionality behind it.

 

5. Be an Active Listener

Sharing and listening go hand-in-hand for building meaningful relationships. People tend to be better at one than the other, but relationships will lack depth if we camp in our natural strengths. People who are good at listening still desire to be heard. People who are good at sharing still desire to hear about others.

• Be a patient listener. Don’t try to rush through a conversation.

• Maintain eye contact and don’t multitask. (Stay off your phone).

• Avoid one-word responses—instead, provide meaningful feedback.
  • Restate points that are being shared with you. It lets the person sharing know that you are tracking with them.
  • Ask clarifying questions to gain more details or allow for deeper processing. “I’m sorry you said that you were feeling anxious. Do you know what might have caused you to start feeling like that?”

• Nod your head. Be expressive.

• Be honest if you didn’t catch something. “Can you tell me again why your parents are moving to California?”

• Practice shared meaning. Don’t assume what someone is trying to say. And don’t interrupt them in trying to guess what they mean. Let them fully share, and then you can clarify if you are both on the same page. “So what I’m understanding is, you are feeling dishonest because you are afraid to truly express your likes and dislikes. Is that correct?”